


Let Me Love You When I Can

by donniedont



Category: The Hobbit (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Everybody Lives, Love Confessions, M/M, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 09:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedont/pseuds/donniedont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ori assumed that he could keep his feelings for Fili secret.  When Fili gets closer to him after battle, he realizes that he can't hide them anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Love You When I Can

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ibijau](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ibijau/gifts).



> This fic was made possible by Tag. We were discussing the lack of happy Fili/Ori fics in the fandom and we wanted to see a change. They prompted me with "post-BOFA/everybody lives, Ori decides that fuck shyness and propriety, he's got to tell Fili he loves him because the prince almost died and all that :D" The fic took a slightly different direction, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless, Tag <3!
> 
> Other than that, this was one of my first pieces in which I wasn't really writing Kili, which was weird. I also decided to go with a more lighthearted characterization for Fili, which was quite refreshing for me. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!
> 
> Title is a lyric from "Let Me Sing You a Song" by the Wild.

The battle ended and the gravely injured princes of Erebor were hidden away under the mountain. Most of the company, aside from Thorin, who was in the midst of his kingly duties, stood at the door of their recovery room, battered, alive, and anxious to see them.

Ori frantically ran his fingers along the pages of the sketchbook he tucked under his arm, focusing on the rolling of the paper as opposed to his brothers speculating about the severity of the brothers’ injuries.

“A few battle scars might be good for the lads,” Nori noted, “Might make them a little less pretty.”

“ _Nori_!” Dori scolded.

“Don’t say that,” Ori whispered. He didn’t want to think of the pretty faces he found himself so endeared by looking anything but perfect. When the journey started, he found himself intimidated by them. They had the distinction of being the direct heirs of the Line of Durin. Even with this entitlement, they refused to behave any different than the other members of their company. 

He didn’t anticipate that this endearment would go past anything other than a desire for their friendship. In many ways, it stayed that way with Kíli. However, he found himself feeling differently about Fíli. 

It wasn’t there when the journey began. At that point, he was still too wrapped up in the fact that Fíli was an heir. Eventually, he found himself feeling his chest swell when he turned toward him, usually to start breezy conversation with him as they made their way down whatever path Gandalf instructed them to go on. 

No matter how much Fíli made Ori smiled, he knew that the relationship could not go further. He was a member of Fíli’s uncle’s company. The most intimate thing he could do was lay down his life for Fíli and the good of his line. Not to press his lips against his and hope that he kissed back.

He admitted this fact to himself, but he still gladly sat next to Fili during meals. He loved to ask him to be a model when sketching during their down time. He even cornered Fíli the night before the battle, prepared to confess how he felt about him, even though he knew it would never work out. Instead, he pulled Fíli close and held onto him until his body was shaking.

Ori didn’t care that he wasn’t able to confess his feelings in that moment. He was prepared for it to be the last time he was ever going to see him. He could tell his family that the night before his first, hopefully only, battle, he embraced a dwarf who would die on a battlefield a day later as a hero. But the hero was going to live, finally able to settle into the mountain that was going to be his to rule someday. Regardless of the path Fíli’s life took, Ori wasn’t going to be able to follow.

The door of the recovery room opened, Óin standing in the doorway. “I want to make you come in one at a time, but I know none of you would cooperate,” he muttered, “Don’t rile them up too much. All of you have stitches that will get ripped out.”

Ori felt himself nearly lfited off the ground as the company barged into the room. He flurry of fabric, beards, and handles settled enough that he could see the brothers tucked into large beds.

Kíli was already propped up, showing off an ugly wound on his chest. Fíli spoke calmly, pointing out his injuries with a bandaged hand.

“It’s going to take awhile, but they’re going to make nearly full recoveries,” Óin noted, “One of Fíli’s hands may not work as well as it used to, but he’s proficient at sword work using both, so I’m sure he’ll make do.”

“I’m sorry, Fíli,” Ori whispered, hoping his words would get swallowed up by the rest of the group.

“Don’t be sorry!” Fíli exclaimed, his body stretched across the bed. His covers had fallen off of him, exposing a massive wad of cotton on his side. “I was prepared to die that day. Having a hand that doesn’t wish to cooperate sometimes is not a bad alternative.” He reached out and let it rub against Ori’s fingers. “See? No need to say you’re worry.”

Ori gasped, grabbing his hand and gripping it as gently as he could. “You’re right,” he whispered, “It’s not so bad.”

“I lost a chunk of my leg, wanna see?” Kíli exclaimed, tossing his sheets off of his bed.

Ori laughed, watching Kíli prop his leg up while still hanging onto Fíli’s hand.

“Sit down?” Fíli requested.

Ori looked down and noticed the space that he opened up for him. He sat down as close to the edge of the bed as he could, not prepared for Fíli to press up against him. Fíli poked his head underneath his arm and grinned. Ori let go to run his fingers along a bandage on the side of Fíli’s head, the outline of a bald spot appearing just over the cotton.

“Oh, I had to get some hair removed to get a wound taken care of,” Fíli added.

Ori frowned. He always loved Fíli’s golden hair. His throat would catch when the sunlight caught it a certain way. He found himself wondering if he was ever going to see Fíli out in the sun again.

“It grows back,” Fíli said, looking up at him. “It’ll get so long you’ll forget that it was ever gone.” He grinned, tilting his head in a way that the bald spot was no longer in Ori’s eyesight.

Ori finally turned away, focusing on Kíli, Dwalin, or anyone else. He was in a situation that he didn’t deserve.

“How are you?” Fíli asked, “Are you well? Your hands were unaffected, thank goodness. Did you want to sketch me in my pathetic state?”

Ori sighed loudly. “No, it’s just out of habit.” He pressed his body against Fíli’s. “And shouldn’t you be talking to the rest of the company? Everyone was so worried about you.”

“I want to speak to you.”

“I’m happy you’re alive. Even happier that you wish to speak with me. But…”

Fíli snorted. “Fine,” he said, “I’ll talk to someone else. But that doesn’t mean that our conversation is over.”

“You have so much to do. I honestly don’t expect you to want to carry out a conversation with me ever again.”

“I’m not doing anything at the moment. I’m laid out for two more weeks at least. I can even tell any and all guards that you have been granted my permission to come to this room, even if I’m asleep.”

Ori laughed, the sound escaping his mouth too high to be authentic. “You’re quite determined,” he noted.

“My mother would call me pigheaded.”

“It’s just a nicer way to say the same thing,” Ori noted, tangling his hand around Fíli’s and not letting go until he left the room.

*

The company split up into their temporary living quarters, many of which wondering if they were going to settle in Erebor itself or somewhere nearby. 

“Seems like they’re going to heal up just fine,” Dori noted, smirking at Nroi.

Nori rolled his eyes, dramatically tossing himself onto his bedroll. “What a pity,” he mumbled. He tilted his head toward Ori. “You looked quite cozy with one of those darling princes.”

Ori shrugged, flipping through his sketchbook. “Fíli asked me to sit on his bed. So I did.”

Nori raised his eyebrows. “He’s not king yet, lad. It’s not like you have to follow his orders right now.”

Ori felt his stomach flip as he turned to a page entirely composed of hands. They were all Fíli’s. He wondered how his injured hand was going to look once the bandages were removed. Was there a chance that Fíli would allow him to sketch them again?

Dori eyed Nori carefully and sighed. “You don’t necessarily need to think of someone as your king to want to make them happy,” he murmured.

Nori grinned. “Wait, do you think…” he started.

Dori waved his hand. “ _Later_ , Nori,” he ordered.

Ori shook his head, prepared to defuse a potential fight between his older brothers. “Thorin wasn’t there.”

“No. he was busy, I suppose,” Dori replied, still glaring at Nori. “I’m sure he has visited them more than enough. They did save his life.”

“What a ridiculous thing. Potentially sacrificing young lives for an old dwarf like him,” Nori grumbled.

“He’s their uncle. He’s more than just an old dwarf to them,” Dori pointed out.

Ori finally turned to a blank page and brought it close to him as he got into a more comfortable position to draw eyes that he swore were not Fíli’s. He wondered what his brothers would have thought if he told them that he would have sacrificed his life for him, but he resisted.

*

It took several days, but Ori found the courage to visit Fíli and Kíli’s room again. When he entered, he found one bed in the room with Kíli sitting in it. He was chatting with Dwalin and Thorin, pausing the conversation to greet him.

Ori squeaked, bowing his head nervously. “I’m sorry to disturb you, my king, I didn’t mean to…”

“It’s not a problem, Master Ori,” Thorin said, his eyes still focused on his nephew. “Fíli has been moved to a room across the hall.”

Ori nodded, hiding his grin beneath the collar of his jacket. “Thank you,” he said, bowing his head again before he made his way across the hall. He opened the door to see Fíli gripping a weight in his injured hand. He looked up and grinned. “You’ve finally come to visit!” he exclaimed.

Ori nodded, staying close to the door. “I’m sorry,” he confessed, “I had… to do things.”

“Can’t expect everyone to drop everything for the invalid,” Fíli joked.

“You’re far from an invalid,” Ori said, knotting his fingers together. “You seem to be recovering very well.”

“I was doing better than I anticipated,” he confessed, “Kíli bet that I couldn’t walk to his side of the room. So I tried to do it.”

“And you succeeded?”

“Aye, and now Kíli has to forge me a new set of beads once we get a forge set up.”

Ori smiled, quickly covering his mouth with his hand.

“You’re allowed to be happy,” Fíli said, “There’s no need to be sad. We survived. We got our home back.”

Ori shrugged. “I had to write some notes a week or so ago for Thorin and Balin. They were considering going to Moria.”

“Then let that be their concern. I’m staying here. Please tell me you plan on staying here.”

Ori shrugged, shyly ducking his head. “I’m not sure. I feel as though Nori is going to want to leave soon. Not to Moria… but probably back to the Blue Mountains.”

“Would you go with him? I never thought you were close enough that you would have to follow him.” 

Ori briefly glanced at him and focused long enough to see noticeable distress in his face. He quickly turned to a different wall again. “I’m not. I just don’t think there’s much of a place for me here.”

Fíli sighed. “You are absolutely needed here, Ori. Thorin is planning on asking you to be the official scribe. Why else would he ask you to take notes?”

Ori’s eyes widened. “Are you being serious?”

“Thorin wants you to stay. I’m sure Kíli would, too. And I certainly want you to stay here, too.”

Ori finally lowered his head and felt a burn crawl up his throat. “Oh,” he murmured, “How lovely.”

“It is,” Fíli agreed, “Can you promise me that you will stay?”

Ori smiled again, refusing to cover it. “I suppose I can’t.” He finally faced Fíli again and welcomed with a returning smile. “You are quite charming, Prince Fíli.”

“I don’t think you should be glorifying my desperation like that,” he teased. He leaned his head back on his pillow, his hair spilling out around him.

Ori found himself looking away again, clearing his throat.

“Why do you keep hiding from me? I want to see your face.”

Ori shook his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to. I… you make me feel…” He searched for a word until all he could say was, “…you make me feel too good.” He knew he could have phrased it better if he had a piece of parchment in front of him. He continued anyway. “I was so afraid that I would lose you, Fíli. I’m still scared… but I don’t own you. How could I?”

Fíli sat up again, his face unreadable. “Go on?” he asked.

“After spending as long as we have together… I fell for you. But what good is that? I wanted to tell you before we went to battle, but I couldn’t.”

Fíli nodded his head, still making eye contact with him.

“You’re the heir, Fíli. I’m nothing. So what if I become the scribe? I still don’t have a right to feel the way I do about you.”

“Ori…” Fíli started.

“I should go,” Ori whispered, turning on his heel.

“You better not,” Fíli ordered, his voice low, “Why would you assume that your feelings were one-sided?”

“Because you’re the heir.”

“There’s no law that says heirs are banned from loving whoever they want. If you’re worried about me finding an heir, I’m sure Kíli will be able to supply one. And I’d be honored to pass the throne down to his child. I just want to be happy and to have Erebor thrive. I think you can help me with both of these objectives.”

Ori covered his face, his eyes pricking with tears. Several drops fell on his palms. He never allowed himself to imagine scenarios like this, making it difficult to imagine a response to tell Fíli how he felt. Instead, he rubbed his eyes and marched over to Fíli. He wrapped his arms around him and gasped, “I almost lost you!”

“And I almost lost you, too,” Fíli said, shifting to one side of the bed. “Join me, please?” he asked.

Ori nodded, slipping out of his boots before he swung his feet on the bed. He guided Fíli’s head to lean it against his shoulder. Fíli curled up against him, a content sound escaping from the back of his throat. 

“But why didn’t you say anything?” Ori asked, sectioning Fíli’s hair against his shoulder.

“I didn’t plan on saying anything until I was certain the two of us were going to survive,” he confessed, “I didn’t want to get your hopes up. Or mine, for that matter.” He cleared his throat and added, “I was going to wait until I was fully recovered to say anything. But I’m glad you got to the point before I did.

Ori rested his chin on the top of his head, mindful of the bandage still on the side. “What do we do now?” he asked.

“I _do_ have my own room,” Fíli noted.

Ori was suddenly thankful that he couldn’t see the blush that appeared on his cheeks and raced down his neck “That’s… that’s true.”

Fíli shook his head. “Not for awhile. Can I just close my eyes?”

Ori grinned, feeling a heaviness tug at his eyelids. “Mind if I do that, too?”

Fíli wrapped his arms tighter around Ori, an answer he couldn’t be happier to receive.


End file.
